1. You'll need to clean up the sound, although I would hope that the music will help with this. 2. I wonder if the first sequence would work better if you cross-cut more between the "cooking up" sequence and the graveyard - this would make it a little more interesting and would break it up a little. 3. There is an odd black-out at about 40s - is there a reason for this? 4. There don't seem to be any credits at the moment - is the film title supposed to come up before the conversation? 5. Where is this going? Although you've now got a range of camera angles, you still need to hook the audience in a little more. You could really do with a third scene which is designed to set up the story and the characters. You have 45 seconds to play with at least - think about how you're going to use them.
1. You'll need to clean up the sound, although I would hope that the music will help with this.
ReplyDelete2. I wonder if the first sequence would work better if you cross-cut more between the "cooking up" sequence and the graveyard - this would make it a little more interesting and would break it up a little.
3. There is an odd black-out at about 40s - is there a reason for this?
4. There don't seem to be any credits at the moment - is the film title supposed to come up before the conversation?
5. Where is this going? Although you've now got a range of camera angles, you still need to hook the audience in a little more. You could really do with a third scene which is designed to set up the story and the characters. You have 45 seconds to play with at least - think about how you're going to use them.